my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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