apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
