Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
