Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
