bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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