So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
