I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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