I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
