I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
