if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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