so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
