His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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