Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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