The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
