great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
