I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
