I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
