She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
