You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
