you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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