The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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