mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
