He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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