PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
