I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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