Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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