I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
