She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
