im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
