the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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