i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
