dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Congratulations! We have a period
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