i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
