Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
