My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
