I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
