I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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