New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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