I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
