Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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