I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
