Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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