I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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