Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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