proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
