I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
