I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
