your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
