you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
