I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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