Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Randomize
