that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
