so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
