You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
