so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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