I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
