she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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