Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
