Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
