thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
