I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no you cant smoke seaweed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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