I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
