Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
