My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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