Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
