3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
try to milk me bitch
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