you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
