Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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