i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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