Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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