I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
