then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
