Pappa wants mamma naked
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i now understand why vodka
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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