Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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