Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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