definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
