It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
